Good day.”"Oh you think you’re so clever, don’t you?”"Clever enough to know you can wait until Monday.”"But this is an emergency You told my son he had worms.”"Your son does have worms. He brought one in to show me in a Playdoh jar.”"I don’t believe you.”"Well I haven’t kept it – it was only a threadworm. Nothing to lose any sleep over.”"How can you say that? You told my wife the whole family was probably infected – I haven’t slept since, thinking of all those horrible little things crawling around inside me.”"They’re only in your bowels.”"You told my wife that the eggs can get under the fingernails.”"So?”"Well, the wife’s got long fingernails and she likes to draw blood during sex.”"Anywhere special?”"My back, mainly. It’s part of the philosophy of the hospital, which is positive and uplifting.”To find out more about orchestral activities in your area, ring Freephone Talking Pages on 0800 600900, and ask for the Association of British Orchestra’s National Orchestra Week..

“MORNING Mr Jacobs What can I do for you?”

“Itchy bum.”
“Splendid. All the funding for the arts is privately raised from individuals, businesses and charitable trusts.Susan Loppert, director of the arts project at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, has masterminded the interactive arts programme “What we’re doing is not therapy,” said Ms Loppert “They are not music therapists, but it’s therapeutic. It is unusual in that it integrates the visual and performing arts into healthcare. During National Orchestra Week, which runs from 9-15 March, more than 30 of the country’s professional orchestras will perform to the public free as a mark of their commitment to interacting with the communityChelsea and Westminster Hospital, which opened in 1993, is the first new NHS teaching hospital to be built in London since the Seventies. It was quite nice hearing it and knowing the different stories.”The music had distracted her, she added “I didn’t think about my leg at all,” she said “I just carried on with the music. It sort of relaxes you.”The hospital workshop is just one example of the activities undertaken by orchestras across Britain, be it in hospices, prisons, residential homes or schools.

“I thought it would be a bit boring,” she said, “but it was quite nice actually, playing lots of music and that When you start playing music, you get into it. Daniel said that he had been happiest “when I was doing the rivers,” but that he had also enjoyed “the rabbit one”.Lily, 13, who had had an “external fixator” taken out of her leg the previous day, said she had had reservations about coming to the workshop. His bandaged arm was hurting and the musicians were quick to catch on He put down his instrument, but he didn’t want to leave. Instead he sat and listened, quietly, with a far-away expression.Next came the story of the hare and the tortoise. “What do you think you can learn from that story?” asked Christine, after telling the tale “I’ll tell you: that some of us take longer and work harder Some of us are lazy. The people who work harder and keep going, in the very end they are better.” Such a moral was poignant in the circumstances.At the end of the hour-long workshop Duke thanked everybody for being “a fantastic orchestra” The children smiled They were exhausted, but contented. “Now we need our mysterious water music on its own,” instructed Duke.

Daniel responded by running his fingers up and down the xylophone with huge, expansive sweeps, lost in music.”What have you forgotten?” asked Duke. “What about making noise with your mouths?” At once they embarked on a chorus of frog noises, swishing reed noises and whistling. The occasional interruption of a bleep from a drip was the only reality check.Suddenly, one boy looked desperate. And again and again.Daniel was not alone in being shy at first, but with a little encouragement the children all banged and shook their instruments, sometimes at a fast and furious pace, and at other times gently.